"Someone" once said, "Pain is the touchstone of all spiritual progress." It that's true, I better put on my helmet and get strapped in - or get my legal affairs in order - because I'm about to be thrown into another dimension. I'm a recovering alcoholic and addict, trying to do do something - namely, fit in my own skin - while staying away from a drink or a drug. God knows I tried REAL hard to fit in my own skin with the aid of drinking and drugging, but - as you might surmise - that didn't work too well. I've been trying to fit into my skin without a drink or drug for over two years now - two years and 79 days, to be exact - but progress has been slow since I keep getting in my own way. I finally made it through the fourth and fifth steps a few months back - thanks to a new spike of psychic pain that I jabbed in my own misshapen ego - only to fall back on old habits of dragging my feet and "taking my comfort."
Fortunately, my soon-to-be ex-wife dragged me out of my slumber by telling me that she has no interest in remaining partners with me in anything other than (more or less) partnering in the parenting of our children. At some point, I know I will probably be able to admit gratitude to her for this touchstone of spiritual growth. Right now, it's hard to admit gratitude. I'm more or less skirting back and forth in a triangle of self-loathing, depression and (thank you, God) flashes that everything is going to be all right.
I talked to my closest AA friend this morning who suggested I get to work on that troublesome 8th Step. He also suggested completing a gratitude list. I told him I had to go to work - even though it's Sunday - because I am derelict in my professional duties. He encouraged me to have at his suggestions later in the day. So now here I am - at work - creating a half-baked recovery blog that I dreamed up on the way over here. It's not like I'm completely shirking my duties AND ignoring my friends Good Orderly Direction - after all, he has encouraged me to journal my thoughts and feelings.
This inaugural entry is dedicated to Dr. Harry Tiebout. Dr Tiebout was a psychiatrist and, undoubtedly, a man who devoted years of his life to study and the noble pursuit of helping sick individuals. His claim to fame is that he treated many alcoholics and was the psychiatrist of one of the founders of the grand daddy of all 12-step fellowships.
Thanks to his intimate experiences with Bill and many other alcoholics, Dr. Tiebout was probably the first medical man to come forward with the idea of the need for the alcoholic ego to surrender in order to win. After much study, Dr. Tiebout came to regard the alcoholic personality as "His Majesty the Baby." My first encounter with this school of thought smacked me dead between the eyes. In his description, Dr. Tiebout spot-in explains my personality to a T.
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